The King Is Mad

The quagmire of Iraq was getting so irritating that Cheney was ferreted out of his dungeon and dispatched to the Middle East. We don't know of course what foul plan he took with him but we are about to find out I think.

Whatever it is and whatever it was he put in Maliki's coffee, it caused the Great Democratic Leader of Iraq to immediately order his men into a democracy-building firefight in Basra which he personally led, or followed, or flew over, or so it is said. His men, of course, defected to the Mahdi Army as soon as they got there, taking their weapons with them.

Maliki has since backed down on his previous offer of immediate death and is now generously giving the Sadrists until April Fool's Day to come out with their hands up. The entire population is locked inside their houses and cannot leave, even on foot, for any reason. Entire cities have been turned into prisons and any poor fool leaving his own home trying to get water for his children will be shot on sight.

And still president insane-head pounds the lecturn shouting about the brilliant progress.

Sidebar, Al Jazeera Iraq Page

So brilliant is the progress, in fact, that as he was speaking US forces were fighting the Mahdi Army in Basra. You know, the Mahdi Army, which four days ago extended their truce with the US. You know, Basra. The city where democracy was so successful that the British pulled out and refuse to go back.

So there you have it. Three trillion dollars, 4,000 dead Americans, a million dead Iraqis, the worst humanitarian crisis on the planet and now the mighty US armed forces are being used by the puppet leader of a failed country to slaughter members of a rival political party.

Democracy.

The word has been soiled. It will have a whiff of stink on it for the next three hundred years.

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Blind Author Seeks Publisher With Open Eyes

Paul William Roberts has some stuff you should see.

Are you in the publishing biz and somehow not a despicable parasite? Read on...

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Weeeeee! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Weeeeeeeeeeeee!

Just another pschizoid day on the stock market.

Are we having fun, yet?

Of course, it's been an exciting week.

You must be THIS tall to ride on the Tilt-A-Whirl

Year to date, not so much fun...

"The economy is strong." -You know who.

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That's not even three months, so there's still nine and a half months of Busco rule left this year. At the current rate the market will be down another 25% and the DJIA will be hovering arond the 9,000 mark. That's if things don't manage to get even the slightest teensy bit worse than they are now. Then it would be much worse. But what could go wrong, eh? With these genius uber-men in charge.

When do the people start jumping out the windows? Or does the fed just keep printing imaginary money and giving it to the banks and it's business as usual? I bet if I knew anything about economics this would be far more frightening than it already appears.

So long, and thanks for all the satellites

IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, DAVE.

Arthur C. Clarke 1917-2008

SIgn of the times

Here is your ebay Popularity Index for March 15th, 2008. This information is provided for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as investment advice of any kind.


The index measures the popularity with the American public of selected celebrities, as indicated by the number of memorabilia items associated with their names currently for sale on ebay. The index changes all the time, on occasion very rapidly. There are seasonal influences as well (Christmas, World Series, etc.)

Today we are looking at the popularity of various US presidents plus Obama, and with Henry VIII and Dracula thrown in for baselines. What does it indicate? Beats us, but it must mean something.

Weeeeeeee!

NYSE Year To Date

Heck of a job, Bernie!

Ben Bernanke explains how big his dick the recession is.

Science On The March in March!

It's been a busy week in Science.

Turns out, at the nanoscale, we can't even determine what direction light is moving in. Passing through plates closer together than the wavelength of the light, they propagate as evanescent waves and our understanding of physics just breaks. Their direction is an imaginary value and cannot be calculated.

One, two, cha-cha-cha.

So one photon can carry a complex image, it travels at the speed limit of the universe, yet it can be stopped dead in its tracks and it can be focused to less then its own wavelength... whereupon it immediately starts traveling in imaginary directions.

Cool.

At least atoms, those pesky little thingies, are under control. Finally. Well, most of them anyway, it says here. Any of the paramagnetic atoms can be stopped dead in space and frozen at near absolute zero with an explanation that sounds like absolute bullshit (the atoms are stopped by passing a supersonic beam through an "atomic coilgun" and cooled by using "single-photon cooling..." and gear that looks like your retarded brother made it.

High Tech Atom Trap. Sure it is.

On the bright side (eh-hem), this item from last summer describes a lenless device called a plate (presumably for a lack of poetic imagination on the part of the scientists involved) which can focus electromagnetic waves to points much smaller than their own wavelength. Hmm. Imagine three orders of magnitude more storage in the same space, for starters. Get ready to toss out all your iPods. Again.

Hurrah for science.

Wonderful

Just wonderful.

Fuck the Aliens

Well, we're back. And brother, you go away for a few weeks and all hell breaks out. Well, at least while I was gone our alien overlords seem to have shrunk Dubya down to the size large chimp and turned his hair so gray it looks like his whole stooped body is covered in lemur fur. I first noticed this last week when he was shown in a short-sleeved shirt at some barbecue. He looked frail and jerky. Even in his work suit in this press conference clip I caught over at Hoffmania he appears to be fading away as he leans on the podium which seems to be all that's holding him upright. 

Yes, he's getting smaller and grayer. He more and more resembles the aliens who control us. Perhaps it is how they reproduce. Any day now his rat-like eyes will begin to darken and grow alarmingly large as his eyebrow ridges retract and the skull of the half-man-half-alien creature elongates. He will soon spin a cocoon, winding himself tightly in silk that squirts in thick strands from his ears as he turns, round and round, on his oval office chair.

In a sane society, the whole Whitehouse would be burned as soon as the pupa stopped moving. Or perhaps just the oval office could be surgically incinerated. That is how we deal with tent caterpillars in Jersey. A long pole topped with rags soaked in gasoline. A good rag artist could take thirty caterpillar tents out of a single cherry tree and not lose a twig to the fire.

But that won't happen. The thing will be kept outdoors, warm and out of the rain until the cold winds of November come. It then will be laid by the fireplace to quicken and they will dress it up in a santa suit for the Whitehouse Christmas Card and no one in the media or anywhere else will mention it or suggest that it is unusual in any way and early New Year's Day it will split open in the cold morning before dawn and a newly formed alien will spill out. It will scuttle out the window, racing unnoticed across the lawns. It has one desperate plan left. Before the sun tops the houses it is spent, dying in a filthy alleyway but with the wondrous words "Mission Accomplished" sibilantly spoken in an alien tongue ringing in its mind. It has succeeded. It has laid three squirming eggs in Barak Obama's brain.

And so the madness will continue. With God on your side, etc. This just in: Violent death in Iraq is up 33%  Feb over Jan 2008.  Lede video on CNN.com? 

LEGEND OF LIZARD MAN CONTINUES

This is what happens when you let the Aliens run things, people. Smarten the fuck up.

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