But of course the madness will go on anyway

Oh, wow man, Immanuel Kant is completely full of shit.

ScienceDaily (Nov. 23, 2008) — Ohio State University scientists are finding that specific elements of marijuana can be good for the aging brain by reducing inflammation there and possibly even stimulating the formation of new brain cells.

Their research suggests that the development of a legal drug that contains certain properties similar to those in marijuana might help prevent or delay the onset of Alzheimer’s disease. Though the exact cause of Alzheimer’s remains unknown, chronic inflammation in the brain is believed to contribute to memory impairment. Wenk’s work has already shown that a THC-like synthetic drug can improve memory in animals. The most recent research on rats indicates that at least three receptors in the brain are activated by the synthetic drug, which is similar to marijuana

Any new drug’s properties would resemble those of tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC, the main psychoactive substance in the cannabis plant, but would not share its high-producing effects.

Or you could, you know, smoke some pot now and then.  If science took just half the energy they spend trying to take the magic out of pot and spent it on real problems the world would be a better place. But it's progress of a sort. I guess.

.

Are they sure they want to go to Mars?

This occurs to me frequently when I try to plug in a cable and it won't reach where it has to go, or I drop it and it catches on the one thing behind the desk that could possibly snag it: If this happened in space, we'd all die.

Space is full of stuff that stands a good chance of killing you even if it's working correctly as far as you can tell. They've got another tube of lubricant so the whole mission might not be wasted over a trifle, but it emphasizes how far away the repair shop is when you're in space, even if it's only 100 miles up. And land 'o' goshen, but what makes them think they can build a spaceship that will last all the way to Mars and back when they can't even make a grease gun that works?
And I wouldn't want to be the one who lost her tool kit first day on the job. What a rookie... ah ha ha ha haaaa! With luck it won't drift back into the station and knock off anything important.

And speaking of science, there's some cool x-rays over at Wired. I had some fun with this one:

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Remind me: what century is this?

Did I say century? Because I meant millennium. From CNN:

Holocaust survivors to Mormons: Stop baptisms of dead Jews

Not that I care. According to my religion you are *all*deluded fools condemned to miserable pseudo-life.
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Never thought I'd see the day.

Congratulations to 52% of American voters.

I have said it before and I'll say it again. Gary Trudeau is a genius. His cousin was P.M. of Canada, you know. Oh yes, for a long time.

.

THINK!

Expect long lines. Be firm. Bring ID. CHECK your ballot. 

It's up to you, citizen. Good luck.

.

Something?

What lives 20 picoseconds, travels one centimeter and then explodes in a shower of muons?

What the hell?

Don't know? Don't feel bad. Science doesn't know. Nobody fucking does. This mystery thingie has appeared in the detector (the old one) at Fermilab and science is baffled. If the result isn't some kind of screw-up then this appears to be a new particle with heavy implications for the Standard Model.

So what could it be? As it happens, Weiner and Nima Arkani-Hamed of the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton, New Jersey, and colleagues have developed a theory of dark matter – the enigmatic stuff thought to make up a large proportion of the universe – to explain recent observations of radiation and anti-particles from the Milky Way.

Their model posits dark matter particles that interact among themselves by exchanging "force-carrying" particles with a mass of about 1 gigaelectronvolts.

The CDF muons appear to have come from the decay of a particle with a mass of about 1 GeV. So could they be a signature of dark matter? "We are trying to figure that out," says Weiner. "But I would be excited by the CDF data regardless."

Anyone feel a draft?

If you're old enough to vote, you are old enough to be drafted.

From Juan Cole:

The Coming McCain Military Draft

There has been almost no discussion in the press about the broader implications of John McCain's military policies.

McCain wants to keep a large military contingent in Iraq for some years to come.

He agrees that more US troops should be sent to Afghanistan. (Obama wants more troops for Afghanistan but will draw down the ones in Iraq so that is a wash).

McCain has joked about bombing Iran, accuses Iran of sending insurgents into Iraq, and pledges to stop Iran's nuclear research program. McCain has said, "There is only one thing worse than a military solution, and that, my friends, is a nuclear-armed Iran."

McCain has all but pledged a war on Iran. (In contrast, Obama says he will conduct direct tough diplomacy with Tehran).

McCain is also a hawk on Georgia in the Caucasus and if he is to remain credible he'd have to increase US troop presence in the Greater Middle East.

Although US military re-enlistments in the ten combat divisions have not fallen in the way some observers had feared, that statistic only speaks to the ability of the US military to maintain the status quo. Even that ability is in long-term question, as African-American enlistments, traditionally a significant proportion, slip.

But McCain is not about the military status quo. He is ambitious for further conflicts. The current US military is too small to handle yet another front, and to maintain, as McCain insists they must, the current ones.

My friends, there is only one way for McCain to make good on his hawkish foreign policy and his virtual pledge of more wars.

McCain will need to institute a draft for young American men (and, given the times, maybe for women as well).

If you are in your late teens and early twenties, or if you are a parent of a person that age, and you have strong views on a renewed draft, it should come into your decision about whether to vote on Tuesday and for whom.

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Bien fait.

Some days it is a proud, proud thing to be a Canadian.

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America: Freedom to Fascism

You are a slave to private banks.




Do something.




*Note to Canadians. This concerns you, too. Pay particular attention to the last segment...

From Russia, with Love

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Low interest helium turns to hydrogen, fuses.

Greenspan: Wow. I didn't see that coming.

Another fuckin genius. 

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Do you know what money is?

Seriously. Do you really know, or do you just have a kind of fuzzy idea that the government creates money  based on the value of goods and services produced by the country or something? If the latter,  you should take the time to watch this video. If it doesn't make you sick to your brain, you're not grasping the facts.

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So, who goes to jail?

One thing you can be sure of, there is a paper trail. This wasn't a hurricane, or 36 exploding volcanoes. It wasn't tsunami and it wasn't bad luck. It wasn't Martians that came down in invisible spaceships and stole all the money. No, this seeming mother-of -all-fuckups was engineered and the engineers names are signed to each and every piece of this gigantic fractal of legalese bullshit hocus-pocus paper.

There is no question of guilt. All the guilty are still cashing their cheques. What will prevent anyone but a sacrificial goat of some sort from ever facing any music is that there simply cannot be enough forensic accountants that are not already in on the scam to unravel it all. Like any proper fractal, it disappears into it's own horizon faster than you can chase it. It is infinite in every direction at once. It is a masterpiece.

It is the concept of capitalism taken to it's logical conclusion.

A Message From the Ministry

I pass along this message from the good Reverend Stang:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear American

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship
with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country
has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of
800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it
would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gramm, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my
replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you
may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation
movement in the 1990s. This transaction is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the
funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds
in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under
surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a
reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the
funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund
account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to
wallstreetbail...@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission
for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond
with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to
protect the funds.


Yours Faithfully,

Minister of Treasury Paulson



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Special thanks to secret author Rev. Giles
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Easily bored by the common excitements of everyday life that everyone else seems to find so fascinating and important? You may be a mutant.  Click here for your diagnosis.

A ROOTY-TOOT TOOT TO-AHHH! Nice work!

Ok, good work, all who toiled to prevent Harper from having the guns to ram bad shit down our necks for the next four years. Take a bow.

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CANADA: Stephen Harper wants to put YOU in FUCKING JAIL

This asshole wants to put you in fucking jail.

Because you smoke pot. It has been 35 years since the LeDain commission report. Do you know when Stephen Harper will act on it? He has mde his position perfectly clear:

'NEVER'

What's that? You don't personally smoke pot? You don't care if human beings are put in fucking jail for the possession of a few flowers that grow wild nearly everywhere on earth?

You should care. I guarantee you that people you know, people you respect, people who's value and contribution to Stephen Harper's country and the world is undeniable--doctors, lawyers, indian chiefs and a hell of a lot more--do smoke pot. And every one of them would be put in fucking jail if Stephen Harper had his way. 

Nice guy, eh? Of course, he's also BFF with this blatant war criminal:

Look forward to Canada becoming a more 'manly' more 'muscular' country with a lust for blood like Big Brother. Get used to body bags and get used to the sight of the Maple Leaf on airplanes that drop cluster bombs on children.

 Stephen Harper wants Canada to participate in murderous American adventurism and Stephen Harper wants to put people you know and love IN FUCKING JAIL.

Remember this when you go to vote.

UPDATE: Deadline for Anti-Harper Vote-Swap registration is tonight! Do it NOW!

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McCain Accepts Nomination

Dow plummets 350 points.

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GOP VP Story a "Sassy Chick Flick"

Modo goes moto on the dodo. Don't often cite the Times, but here it is:

... [Palin] is a zealot, but she’s a fun zealot. She has a beehive and sexy shoes, and the day she’s named she goes shopping with McCain in Ohio for a cheerleader outfit for her daughter.

As she once told Vogue, she’s learned the hard way to deal with press comments about her looks. “I wish they’d stick with the issues instead of discussing my black go-go boots,” she said.

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Sarah Palin is a harbinger of the future

Jonathan Schwarz nails one up over at A Tiny Revolution. It's a short piece and you deserve this treat on Labour Day so go read it, but here's a taste:

McCain's selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate certainly demonstrates one thing: living through the decadent phase of the American empire is going to be REALLY EXCITING. It could only have been more surprising if McCain had chosen a polyp from his large intestine...

...the days of a rational American empire are drawing to a close. We'll be forced to discard either the empire part, or the rational part. And based on 10,000 years of human history, I'm guessing it's the rational part that will go.

Hurricane GOP

McCain's Secret Weapon: Tits

Trojan Feminist Boopsie Palin, sacrificial bimbo for the GOP

Still scratching your head about it? Wander over to Empire Burlesque for enlightenment.

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Fuck the Russians! (Oops...)

Well, well, well. Look what all the posturing hath wrought over in the space program. 

Here's the money graph

NASA currently has a deal with Russia to fly astronauts to the International Space Station aboard Russian-built Soyuz spacecraft through 2011, but would have to seek new approvals from Congress to extend the agreement beyond that deadline

Hah haha hah. It's fucked up NASA!

The shuttles are obsolete and very dangerous and it's really pushing things for them to fly even until 2010 as planned. The Orion thing is waay wrong and behind schedule and probably won't be ready until 2016 or so if then... and it turns out 'Murrica only has an agreement with Russia to haul their Buck Rogers asses up to the Space Station on Soyuz through 2011. 

Oops.

Gonna be kinda hard to slap all those sanctions on the Russkies and plant rockets all around their country in every direction and threaten them with every other breath when you HAVE TO BUM A RIDE from them to get to your trillion dollar space toy.

.

Impartial US Media Coverage

Oh, real fucking subtle.  Nowhere in all this slander and saber-rattling rhetoric is any mention of the fact that it was Georgia that launched an unprovoked sneak attack invasion of South Ossetia, not the other way around. It's as if *somebody* told them that the US would bomb Russia back into the stone age when they inevitably responded. Oops.

But sure, Russia is the new even-more-horrifying-than-the-last-one Nazi Germany and Medvedev is Cyber-Hitler and it's time for World War III. 

Why not, eh John McWar?

.

Business as Usual

Just another pschizoid day on the stock exchange.

The weather is very unsettled here today. It has a sense of greasiness, and impending doom. Kind of like McCain and his gang of bloodthirsty morons. The guy's not president of anything and already he's comparing himself to Reagan and calling for the sacrifice of more lives. They are SCREAMING any bullshit at all to try and gin up another WAR and spill MORE BLOOD because that's what great presidents do. They bomb the fuck out of people to make the world better. 

You'd think the world would be perfect by now then, eh?

.

By the Numbers

He'll make Cheney look like Gandhi

Tip o the hat to Hoffmania.

Sullivan has it at The Atlantic also. Spread it around.
.

Victory in the War on Terra

Seven years. A million lives. Three trillion dollars.

And so far they've managed to finally convict one cab driver.

In a military court. With the defense blinded and both arms tied behind it's back.

Provider of Support for Terrorism Salim Hamdan

This is a proud day for America.

We Report Bullshit--You Decide

Ha ha ha haa ha hah haha ha..ah, etc.

Fox news doesn't even pretend to do any basic research or fact checking any more. They should be forced to remove the word "news" from their broadcasts of bullshit and gossip.

From the actual newshounds who do actual reporting at TPM...

Bush Accused Of Murder One

Get. The. Bastard.

Wall Street Got Drunk

Well he should know, eh?

There’s no question about it, Wall Street got drunk; that’s one of the reasons I asked you to turn off the TV cameras. It got drunk and now it’s got a hangover. The question is, How long will it sober up and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments?'

Er, I think the question is 'Does that sound like a coherent question from a Harvard MBA to you?'.

'Cause it sounds kinda like a drunk question from an idiot to me.

And now the video has been pulled from YouTube...


.

Dead Cat Bounce

The next thee months will make the last three months look like the Good Old Days.
.

Mental Bank Collapse

The Two Stooges

Man, somebody had better check the basement and attic for strange psychotropic molds or escaping swamp gasses, because these mental problems are getting out of hand.

Yes, nothing says mental recession like a good old-fashioned bank run.

Ah ha ha ha haaaa! Rejoice! Rejoice! The End Times are near!!!

.

.

It's A Mental Recession

And here's a picture of your brain, you whiners.


.

McCain Jokes About Killing Iranians

And Bush chuckled for forty minutes.

Good ol' boys.

Well, this is real Presidential.

It won't make the news or will be laughed off if it does. Yeah, big fucking joke. I'm just now trying to imagine how apeshit the press would go if, say, the leader of an Islamic country were to crack jokes about devilishly clever ways to kill American citizens.

Meanwhile, it's just another calm day on Wall Street.



.

'Murrican Health Care

Know what would be really funny? If this were the mom of someone important.

Terrorist Rodents Attack Lincoln County

Ondatra Zibethicus (Evil Rodent)

A Mississippi River levee burst on Friday,

(CNN) -- allowing floodwaters to pour into Lincoln County, Missouri, just north of St. Louis, officials said. Sheriff's deputies alerted residents to evacuate, yelling "get out, the levee broke" as they went door-to-door in the affected areas, according to an Associated Press report.

"Until this morning, we felt our progress was successful and would hold the water back," said Andy Binder, public information officer for Lincoln County. "However, Mother Nature's priorities were apparently different."

The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers blamed the structural collapse on pockets dug in the levee walls by muskrats.

The US army, out to defeat evil in the entire world, can't even defeat muskrats. Good thing there's no massive infrastructure problems in America, or that could be a problem. And luckily the economy is strong. Why it's so strong, the market could continue like it has for the last two weeks...



... and the total value of the companies in the DJIA wouldn't fall all the way to zero for nearly three whole months!

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Partay!

.

Obviously time to give the rich some tax cuts

Of course, the economy is strong.

Your tax dollars at work

U.S. trains Iraqi women to find female suicide bombers

Cause, y'know, we sure as shit can't. 

Hey, we tried for seven years, let's let the women have a go. That's democracy, right? Sure it is. And a real boost for women's equality. You bet.

In the town of Yusufiya, southwest of Baghdad, some 30 women are being trained to search other females at security checkpoints -- something men are forbidden to do under Iraqi cultural norms...

 The women come from small farming communities. Many of them are widows (Gee. I wonder why?) with numerous children and almost no income... The women will work two or three days a month, making up to $300, an Iraqi military officer explained

See? We're doing great things in Iraq. Providing security and providing employment. Surely, they do owe us a great debt of gratitude. There is of course no possibility of this strategy backfiring or coming to misfortune in any way.

.

Get. The. Bastard.

Kucinich gives Bush a 35 gun salute on the floor of Congress.

History is in the making as I type: Rep. Dennis Kucinich has taken to the floor of the House and has begun reading 35 Articles of Impeachment against President George W. Bush...


Bob Fertik, President of Democrats.com, said: "We've waited seven years to find one Member of Congress brave enough to stand up for our Constitution, for which generations of Americans have fought and died. We are thrilled and honored that Dennis Kucinich has chosen to be that one genuine patriot. We congratulate him on his historic leadership, and pledge to do everything in our power to persuade Congress to adopt all 35 Articles and put George W. Bush on trial before the Senate of the United States, exactly as the Founding Fathers wanted."

Get 'im Dennis!

He's Goin Down

McCain's YouTube Nightmare Just Won't Go Away

Gotta love the interwebs.

More Fuckin Lies (You expect anything else? Still?)

Remember that big media event Busco was going to roll out with the thousands of captured Iranian superweapons supposedly supplied to the Mahdi army by the fiendish ayatollahs of Persia?

Well, not so much...

Right. Not even one of them. U.S. press dutifully reports the administration's warmongering casus beli lies as fact. Then, when truth appears, it doesn't report the facts at all. It never mind reports on the lies.

The filthy. Murderous. Lies.

.

Gay marriage ban struck down

It's a great day for gay divorce lawyers.

.

Yet another GOP Class Act

A real Asshole's Asshole.

That this pathetic creature was a major candidate for president of the United States is all you need to know about American politics.

.

Business as usual

I don't know why people keep calling Bushco idiots over the Iraq thing. It seems to be working perfectly.

It's the Obscene Profits, Stupid! Explained on Alternet there, if you're slow or something.

.

The Wright Stuff

Arthur Sibler has it on the only Pastor in America with any balls at Once Upon A Time In America.

.

Bush and Cheney Defend Torture

Bush knew.

Not only did he know, he personally approved it. He likes torture.




P.S.

The Python had no peers, hey? Damn straight.

Zen post

.

Half a decade, a million dead Iraqis and three trillion dollars later

Graphic from the Ronald Reagan Home for the Criminally Insane who endorse Sen. John McCain for next president.

Well, of course...

Conservatives gain in Iran polls

From Aljazeera

Conservative politicians in Iran have won a parliamentary majority after two rounds of elections, according to final results.

They had won a majority of the 208 seats decided in the first round of voting in March for the 290-member assembly.

When you make ceaseless warlike noises at a population they rally 'round the flag and the hardliners. Duh.

All this noise is electing a slate of whackadoos that will make Ahmadinejad and his crowd look like the Merry Pranksters. The state dept knows this of course. Every time Bush or McCain blast off about the evil power of Iran, it embellishes the prestige of the hardline Shia heavies in the Iranian government.

So the question is... why Bush on the side of the fiendish Ayatollahs?

Why is John McCain is aiding the terrorists?

.

It Begins...

When Walamart is rationing rice, well...

All Options Are On The Table

Meanwhile, back in Mesopotamia Iraqi terrorist leader Fawzi Tarzi threatened the US with total war if the US does not cease the current round of aerial bombardments in Baghdad.

Oh, my mistake. Fawzi Tarzi is not a terrorist leader, Fawzi Tarzi is a member of the Iraqi parliament. In any event he delivered an ultimatum to the US: Knock it off, or all options are on the table.

"Let it be known that disbanding the Mehdi Army will mean the end of [Prime Minister Nuri] al-Maliki's government, and therefore the siege of Sadr City and Shula should end immediately or all options are open to us," Tarzi said. "There is a fierce military and media campaign and a dirty political conspiracy planned and supported by the occupier against the Sadr trend."

Tarzi called on humanitarian organizations and the world media to visit Sadr City to see what he described as a "humanitarian tragedy." The Baghdad neighborhood is plagued with "random airstrikes and raids," which are causing a deteriorating humanitarian situation, he said.
More than 400 people have died and 1,300 have been wounded in the attacks, Tarzi said, citing hospital figures.

Also on the warpath this weekend, Muqtadah Al-Sadr issued what he called the "last warning" yesterday, and of course whoever or whatever al Qaeda in Iraq is these days, they just declared open war on US forces and the Awakening Councils.

So that's the climate into which Condi was secretly parachuted on Sunday. The US and Iraqi forces are so in control of things that not only was Baghdad screwed down and everyone curfewed behind their own neighborhood giant concrete walls, but the entire *Green Zone* itself was declared closed.


"Such good progress!" is the report we can expect from Ms. Rice upon her return.

.

Trojan Horse Journalism

Just in case there were any diehard true believers left who think there is still a shred of truth in government/media information campaigns--at least in regard to such important matters as torture and murder and aggressive war on innocent populations-- a valuable primer on Geroge W. Bush's propaganda catapult appears in Sunday's New York Times. Excerpted below, but read the whole thing.

To the public, these men [retired US generals] are members of a familiar fraternity, presented tens of thousands of times on television and radio as “military analysts” whose long service has equipped them to give authoritative and unfettered judgments about the most pressing issues of the post-Sept. 11 world.

Hidden behind that appearance of objectivity, though, is a Pentagon information apparatus that has used those analysts in a campaign to generate favorable news coverage of the administration’s wartime performance, an examination by The New York Times has found.

The effort, which began with the buildup to the Iraq war and continues to this day, has sought to exploit ideological and military allegiances, and also a powerful financial dynamic: Most of the analysts have ties to military contractors vested in the very war policies they are asked to assess on air. [emphasis mine -ed]

Those business relationships are hardly ever disclosed to the viewers, and sometimes not even to the networks themselves. But collectively, the men on the plane and several dozen other military analysts represent more than 150 military contractors either as lobbyists, senior executives, board members or consultants. The companies include defense heavyweights, but also scores of smaller companies, all part of a vast assemblage of contractors scrambling for hundreds of billions in military business generated by the administration’s war on terror. It is a furious competition, one in which inside information and easy access to senior officials are highly prized.

Records and interviews show how the Bush administration has used its control over access and information in an effort to transform the analysts into a kind of media Trojan horse — an instrument intended to shape terrorism coverage from inside the major TV and radio networks.

While this is not a fresh category of news to anyone with half a functioning brain, it is finally and irrefutably laid out documented by the NYT.

Yup. Thank goodness we don't live in a society where the government lies, and curtails civil rights, keeps secret torture chambers, violates the Geneva convention and US law, and lines it's pocket spending all our money on weapons, and commits heinous war crimes and... oh, never mind.

.

Inflation Is Everybody's Problem

Well, you'd think so. It is your problem and it is my problem but it is clearly not everybody's problem...


To the rich fucks who's game the rest of us are stuck playing it just means they're going to have to screw money out of us faster to remain as obscenely rich as they are now. Sure, and then some because they should be compensated for the time it will take them to order someone to think up new ways to do it. These are busy people. Their time is valuable. And of course we have to be screwed another hundred and forty-three percent on top of that because clearly they need to make a reasonable profit or they can't stay in business. We are not communists, after all.

No no, quite the contrary. But the economy is strong. Bush says so, so I wouldn't worry. Sure the dollar's worth half what it was when the war started. That's just temporary. Yeah. Good old American Spirit will fix it. Don't short the greenback just yet. Nah. Wait until you need a wheelbarrow full to buy a mouldy potato.




.

C.I.A. ran LSD experiments on unsuspecting civilians

Groucho on acid and much, much more..




.

Like Iraq? You're gonna *love* Iran

Just saw an interesting snuff film on CNN.

It was infrared footage supposedly shot recently from a UAV flying over what we're told is Baghdad. The video shows white blobs walking around in a group of six or so and some of them appear to be carrying things. It could have been women with shovels or brooms but we are told it was insurgents with Iranian weapons. The footage ends with the little blobs being blown to smithereens by a heroic Hellfire missile.

Nothing unusual there. But the voiceover was something else.

What we see here is insurgents influenced by Iran. It is believed that these weapons are from Iran, recently imported into Iraq from Iran and that Iranians have been training the insurgents in Iranian techniques. These insurgents go to Iran and are trained in the use of these Iranian weapons, then come back from Iran to attack Americans with these deadly Iranian made Iranian weapons from the Iranian terrorist bases in Iran. Sources say more deadly Iranian weapons are appearing from Iran and Iranian terrorists are...

They're selling you another war. And you stunned fucks are going to buy it.

.

Good. He's dead.

Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes

When you heard about the death of Charlton Heston, I'm sure your reaction was the same as mine: what the hell kind of name is "Charlton"?

Every one of his movies was sensationalist moronic crap. He was decorated by George W. Bush who muttered something about freedom and hung a gold albatross around his neck. He was a bad actor and a puffed-up and relentless shill for a industry who's number one product is death. Yup. At Smith & Wesson, death is job one.

US foreign policy is all about guns and weapons in general of course. To have a successful business you need a product and a market for the product. The US produces weapons. Very expensive weapons. Weapons so expensive that only other countries can afford them. So the US has divided the world into consumer nations. Everyone consumes US weapons. It's more American than Coca Cola. And it makes foreign policy very easy. There are good countries and bad countries. Both consume US weapons, but here is the difference. The "good" foreign countries consume the weapons by buying them from the US "for defence" and the bad countries of course consume the weapons from the pointy end. In other words the good countries are allowed to exist as long as they pay their protection money. If they stopped paying and were to somehow become bad countries... Nice little country you got goin' here. Be a shame if something were to happen to it. Yup, a shame. A government with a nice country like this ought to be thinkin' about protectin' it, don't ya think?

Yes, a foreign policy genius like Dyba would of course worship a great American Hero like Charlie Heston who is remembered for playing a succession of imaginary supermen in overproduced Hollywood farces that the president of the United States believes were documentaries. Of course he wants to associate with a steely-jawed he-man who bravely stands up for the "rights" of gun owners (like they were oppressed pilgrim refugees). He is proud to shake the hand of such a fine American. He would applaud a man bold enough to lead a pro gun rally in the shadow of Columbine. Dubya admires his dedication to the cause of freedom, a "great partiot" as it proclaims on the NRA website. Such a man is what America is all about: a vain, stupid bully, proudly ignorant and armed to the teeth.

So he's dead. Can we pry the fucking gun out of his cold dead hands now?

.

The Fall of Baghdad

Are you sure this is a good idea?

Next Wednesday is the fifth anniversary of the Fall of Baghdad. The insane president of the United States will go on tv next Wednesday and tell six impossible lies just clearing his throat before he reads another ridiculous fairy tale off the TelePrompTer screen and spends twenty minutes angrily pounding the lectern about progress in Iraq.

He has done this many, many times of course, but this time it may fall a little flat with the audience. This time he will have a very hard act to follow. Hours before he wakes up that morning Muqtada al-Sadr will have reminded the entire world that he can snap his fingers and a million people will march wherever he tells them too. TPM has the story.

Yes. al Sadr announced his plan in advance today, and Dubya and his gang will have a week to brood about it. And because of course Iraq is a democracy now as Dubya never tires of telling everyone, democratic demonstrations are protected by the Iraqi constitution. Hoist by his own rigged petard. The "government" in Iraq says no problem, we're all democratic here. As long as it is peaceful, they stressed, though what they or even the US military would do or even *could* do if a MILLION Iraqis decided to turn un-peaceful all at once was not described.

Sadr was also quite clear on what his million people will be thinking as they march peacefully along:

"The time has come to express your rejections and raise your voices loud against the unjust occupier and enemy of nations and humanity, and against the horrible massacres committed by the occupier against our honourable people," said a statement released by Sadr's office in the holy city of Najaf.

I can't wait to see how hard Dubya is going to have to buff that turd to call it a shining apple of free democracy in action, a demonstration of what wonderful things the US can accomplish with a three trillion dollar orgy of destruction and death, and a testament to the wisdom and greatness of George W. Bush.

We'll see on Wednesday I guess.


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Official US Torture Memo (not an April Fool's Joke unfortunately...)

John Yoo: Torture is self defense.

Torture was approved in the US in 2003.

Torture was approved in the US in 2003 and CNN is running stories about April Fools Jokes? Talking Points Memo, at least, is on it.

According to the US Justice Department torturing prisoners is an acceptable form of self-defense, unless you defend yourself to the point where "it shocks the conscience".

I guess he meant if it shocked the conscience to the point of the conscience's major organs failing. Or does it mean desecrating the shattered corpses or something?

I guess we can safely ignore any holier-than-thou bullshit from our American friends from now on, eh?

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Success!

Sweet, sweet success! Yes, that's what Al-Maliki is proud to announce today, after he had his ass handed to him by the Sadrists who only called off a complete revolution at the urging of Iran.

Al-Maliki said he had decided to implement a seven-point programme in Basra following "the stability and success of the security plan which achieved the aim of imposing law in the city and restoring normalcy".

The new plan includes (without noting any irony or contradictions whatsoever) boosting security forces in Basra by recruiting 10,000 new troops, restoring services, imposing a strict check on vehicles without licences, building new houses for the poor and turning government-owned palaces into tourist destinations.

God willing, of course.

The King Is Mad

The quagmire of Iraq was getting so irritating that Cheney was ferreted out of his dungeon and dispatched to the Middle East. We don't know of course what foul plan he took with him but we are about to find out I think.

Whatever it is and whatever it was he put in Maliki's coffee, it caused the Great Democratic Leader of Iraq to immediately order his men into a democracy-building firefight in Basra which he personally led, or followed, or flew over, or so it is said. His men, of course, defected to the Mahdi Army as soon as they got there, taking their weapons with them.

Maliki has since backed down on his previous offer of immediate death and is now generously giving the Sadrists until April Fool's Day to come out with their hands up. The entire population is locked inside their houses and cannot leave, even on foot, for any reason. Entire cities have been turned into prisons and any poor fool leaving his own home trying to get water for his children will be shot on sight.

And still president insane-head pounds the lecturn shouting about the brilliant progress.

Sidebar, Al Jazeera Iraq Page

So brilliant is the progress, in fact, that as he was speaking US forces were fighting the Mahdi Army in Basra. You know, the Mahdi Army, which four days ago extended their truce with the US. You know, Basra. The city where democracy was so successful that the British pulled out and refuse to go back.

So there you have it. Three trillion dollars, 4,000 dead Americans, a million dead Iraqis, the worst humanitarian crisis on the planet and now the mighty US armed forces are being used by the puppet leader of a failed country to slaughter members of a rival political party.

Democracy.

The word has been soiled. It will have a whiff of stink on it for the next three hundred years.

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Blind Author Seeks Publisher With Open Eyes

Paul William Roberts has some stuff you should see.

Are you in the publishing biz and somehow not a despicable parasite? Read on...

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Weeeeee! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Weeeeeeeeeeeee!

Just another pschizoid day on the stock market.

Are we having fun, yet?

Of course, it's been an exciting week.

You must be THIS tall to ride on the Tilt-A-Whirl

Year to date, not so much fun...

"The economy is strong." -You know who.

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That's not even three months, so there's still nine and a half months of Busco rule left this year. At the current rate the market will be down another 25% and the DJIA will be hovering arond the 9,000 mark. That's if things don't manage to get even the slightest teensy bit worse than they are now. Then it would be much worse. But what could go wrong, eh? With these genius uber-men in charge.

When do the people start jumping out the windows? Or does the fed just keep printing imaginary money and giving it to the banks and it's business as usual? I bet if I knew anything about economics this would be far more frightening than it already appears.

So long, and thanks for all the satellites

IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, DAVE.

Arthur C. Clarke 1917-2008

SIgn of the times

Here is your ebay Popularity Index for March 15th, 2008. This information is provided for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as investment advice of any kind.


The index measures the popularity with the American public of selected celebrities, as indicated by the number of memorabilia items associated with their names currently for sale on ebay. The index changes all the time, on occasion very rapidly. There are seasonal influences as well (Christmas, World Series, etc.)

Today we are looking at the popularity of various US presidents plus Obama, and with Henry VIII and Dracula thrown in for baselines. What does it indicate? Beats us, but it must mean something.

Weeeeeeee!

NYSE Year To Date

Heck of a job, Bernie!

Ben Bernanke explains how big his dick the recession is.